A Parade of Empathy

I remember when Nugget was 3 and we were going through all the required testing prior to receiving the autism diagnosis. "Lack of empathy" was always one I checked off, for obvious reasons. He simply did not show empathy or seem to appropriately respond, or tune in to others emotions. Even if he was the cause of such emotions. If another person cried, he seemed oblivious to this fact. He never changed what he was doing or how he was acting, in response.

It was unbearably cold outside during the St. Patrick's Day parade this past year. Nugget was covering his ears as he always does if their are sounds he doesn't like. The marching band that went by was really loud, but we knew he had been to louder parades before. This just happened to be one of those days. He was not in a good mood because they had forgotten to put ketchup on his cheeseburger at the food stand. My husband and I were doing everything we could to keep him engaged during the parade. This day he was not going to have any part of the parade and would rather run up and down the sidewalks. I joined him in running, trying to initiate a game of tag. I didn't mind since it also helped keep us a little warmer. "Tag, your it, Mom!". Finally, a smile and laughter. We had overcome the cheeseburger incident and went back to where hubby and Bear were standing. He seemed to be enjoying the parade this time and even threw some of his candy over to some little girls sitting across the street from us. They had not been quick enough to grab any of the candy flying around and Nugget had noticed this. I was surprised. What made him notice? He is usually so absorbed in his own thoughts and actions, I thought.

"It ain't over til' the fat lady sings!" at the Dr.'s Office

"It ain't over til' the fat lady sings"

Over the years, Nugget has developed some real anxieties that are a daily challenge for him. In addition, these anxieties can put a real damper on social interactions with others. I feel really bad for him since he can become totally stressed out by just a simple conversation between people if certain words, or phrases are used. We see a doctor every week to address these anxieties and so far I have been extremely pleased with the outcome.

 Today's visit proved to be more than just another visit to see the doctor. It was a first for me, both good and bad. At the beginning of each visit, I go in and talk to his doctor about progress, or lack thereof, and we plan accordingly about how to move forward. Nothing new today, we decided to proceed as planned. The doctor and I walked out together where it would be Nugget's turn to go with the doctor back to his office for a chat. As we walked out into the waiting room, Nugget was sitting at what he calls "his desk". This is the same routine, every time. He is sitting contently playing his Nintendo DSi. I decided to grab a magazine before finding a chair next to Nugget's "desk" and wait for him to finish his session. 

As I was flipping through the pages I heard, "Was that your son that was just sitting here?" with an agitated tone. I looked up to see a middle-aged, obese woman and she was not looking too happy. I immediately replied that it was, probably looking like a huge question mark. She snapped back saying, "Well, he called me fat!". I did not appreciate her tone with me, but I immediately apologized and said that my son has a little difficulty with his filter and will just say what's on his mind. I do not condone any inappropriate comments from my sons such as this, and if I had been sitting there when this happened, I would have used it as a teaching opportunity of appropriate/inappropriate comments. However, just the way she was acting towards me, I so wanted to say, "Well, some people call him autistic, but you don't see me making a scene". I kept my mouth shut. I did not want to utter the words autism and add to that stigma. Still, I did feel bad and had no right to judge her or her situation and I could completely understand why she would feel upset. I guess as a mother I just wanted to go into immediate defense-attack mode. Fortunately, she lightened up after I said I would discuss this with him. I guess that's what she wanted to hear since she just walked away.  I was sitting there trying to process what had just happened.